Thursday, November 19, 2009

Hair and Jealousy - it's not pretty

Have you seen Jennifer Crusie's new (well newish, it's been up less than a year, I think) web site and blog? I go there quite often as I am a big fan of her writing. It struck me today how beautiful her site is. Why today. Don't really know.

Maybe it 's because I laughed until I cried over a boy in my classroom with pigtails sticking up from his head and appreciation for art crept in while the tears were leaking out. The funny thing is that after the hair incident I opened Jenny's blog - and it's about hair! Strange hair. Which was worth another chuckle if not tears.

So why am I jealous of Jenny Crusie's site instead of just being appreciative of having a great place to go and read stuff? I'm not sure. My kids say I don't smile or laugh enough since I've started working again. That knowledge distresses me, and makes me crankier. I think the secret thought process is something like: Not only is Jenny Crusie and bestseller - and I'm not, but she also has a fantastically designed Internet presence and I don't. Sour grapes. Lack of appreciation for what I do have.

I notice I'm also jealous of the yet unnamed author who will be co-writing a novel with Janet Evanovich. Jeez, what ever happened to being happy for another person's good fortune? I do truly believe that there is enough success in the world for everyone, so why am I so impatient for mine to appear? It's my mom's fault. She claimed I was going to marry a prince when I grew up. Not figuratively. A real prince. As in Charles or Andrew. It didn't happen.

I think this disappointment has colored my entire life. And while I normally have a fabulous sense of humour, occasionally it slips away and other, less valuable, emotions show their ugly heads. Like envy, jealousy and the irrational belief that my husband was supposed to be a prince, damn it!