Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Down Side to the Up Side

Let me first say that this blog is going to seem incredibly ungrateful. I know it. I can't help it. It's the way my mind works. I just can't take good news and keep it good. Well at least when it's about me.  I'm actually very good at keeping my friends' and relations' good news good.

Is that sentence confusing enough for you?

So here's the good news. I've been offered a contract to publish my first Novel!  That is fabulous, exciting, happy dance news. I danced all over the place and called every one I could think of when I found out.  Then I emailed, Facebooked, updated my website and now I'm writing about it. It's fabulously validating and after a year of rejections - totally unexpected. I was hoping, but not expecting when I sent in my manuscript.

So this is what my brain did with my achievement - turned it into a non-event. Why, because I'm not going to see any money for probably a year. Small publisher - no advance. Don't blame them. Didn't expect an advance. But my crazy brain then said, well what good is it to publish if you aren't going to be a financial boon to your family. And that made me unhappy, grumpy and hard to live with. For a few hours.

Until I figured it out. I didn't know what was wrong with me.  Here I'd just been offered a contract, and boom, I'm feeling blue. Stupid, huh? So I started thinking about what I was thinking. What was I telling myself? Only money makes it a worthwhile accomplishment. Even I know that's not right. I wrote a novel! A whole complete novel! (and started a second). That in itself is enough to feel good about.  And now it's going to be published.  Do you know how lucky I am.  So many writers never get published.  Or their 7th, 8th, 9th novel finally gets them in the door.

Now I have to admit Moonlighting isn't my first novel. I wrote a very bad novella when I was in my 20s. I cringe when I think of it now. But that's OK.  Experience helps writing dramatically, and I have lots of that.

OK - so what? What is now that I've figured out how my brain works, I'm not going to let it burst my bubble. I done good. I deserve the happy dance.