Is that sentence confusing enough for you?
So here's the good news. I've been offered a contract to publish my first Novel! That is fabulous, exciting, happy dance news. I danced all over the place and called every one I could think of when I found out. Then I emailed, Facebooked, updated my website and now I'm writing about it. It's fabulously validating and after a year of rejections - totally unexpected. I was hoping, but not expecting when I sent in my manuscript.
So this is what my brain did with my achievement - turned it into a non-event. Why, because I'm not going to see any money for probably a year. Small publisher - no advance. Don't blame them. Didn't expect an advance. But my crazy brain then said, well what good is it to publish if you aren't going to be a financial boon to your family. And that made me unhappy, grumpy and hard to live with. For a few hours.
Until I figured it out. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Here I'd just been offered a contract, and boom, I'm feeling blue. Stupid, huh? So I started thinking about what I was thinking. What was I telling myself? Only money makes it a worthwhile accomplishment. Even I know that's not right. I wrote a novel! A whole complete novel! (and started a second). That in itself is enough to feel good about. And now it's going to be published. Do you know how lucky I am. So many writers never get published. Or their 7th, 8th, 9th novel finally gets them in the door.
Now I have to admit Moonlighting isn't my first novel. I wrote a very bad novella when I was in my 20s. I cringe when I think of it now. But that's OK. Experience helps writing dramatically, and I have lots of that.
OK - so what? What is now that I've figured out how my brain works, I'm not going to let it burst my bubble. I done good. I deserve the happy dance.